The View

The only thing I dreaded more than Mom’s funeral was the family viewing to approve her body the day before. I’d had the opportunity to avoid the viewing for my grandparents, but I knew this was one “opportunity” I couldn’t ignore.
 
I arrived at the funeral home with my family and close friends early that Saturday morning. I was in a solemn mood, for the last time I’d seen Mom she was being rolled under a dark sheet into the morgue of the hospital.
 
As we gathered outside of the chapel doors, we were greeted by the funeral director who asked if we were “ready.” The white double doors were opened and just like that, my mother’s body was in full view. I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach as I turned to walk away from the doors. Tears streamed down my face for I knew it was going to be hard, but I just couldn’t take that view.
 
When I got myself together we walked down the aisle and stood above my mother’s body that was once so full of life. After encountering her body in a casket, the deep grief that had consumed me in the hours’ prior was gone. 
 
I never knew how people could say the dead looked “good” until I saw my mother in that casket. She looked stunning- Her hair was perfect, glasses straightened, face perfectly plump and the shade of her melanin was perfect. What a relief it was to see Mom embody such beauty again, for in her final moments of life she looked so tired, exhausted and frail.
 
As we fellowshipped in the chapel of the funeral home, many family members took pictures of Mom’s body. As I glanced at the pictures, there was something odd; something that truly stood out to me. None of the pictures looked like Mom. When looking into the casket, Mom looked just like herself. However, the smartphone pictures captured a different view. I kept looking back and forth between the casket and the pictures, but it just looked so different to me. The woman in the pictures was not my mom.
 
To this day I often wonder why the pictures captured an image so different from what I saw with my own eyes. Perhaps the pictures made it look too “real” (while being present I could simply pretend she was asleep); perhaps it’s something I will never truly “get” or understand; perhaps the pictures simply captured a different view.