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For 17 months following the death of my parents, I blogged. This blog is threaded with vulnerability, faith, fear and peace. This blog isn't "pretty" or politically correct; It isn't exciting or amusing. It is raw. It is the journey of me, as a Christian, giving myself the grace to grieve; the grace to be human in the midst of the greatest trauma of my life. Though I wish this pain on no one, I hope that through my words you may find words of your own; that through my voice you may find a voice to your own hurt that leads you closer to Christ.

"We laughed...I cried...She ministered."

1/24/2017

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 ​I returned from my summer internship in the Bahamas on July 28th. On July 29th Mom had a flight booked with me and one of her closest friends to travel to NYC. Mom was so adamant about this trip. I remember asking her to consider pushing back the timing of trip, “Mom, can we go next week? We could stay longer. Or what if we wait until Labor Day or my fall break?" Yet Mom declined my pursuits and remained  adamant about the timing (I'm so glad she did). The trip was very enjoyable as Mom had a bucket list of of activities pre-planned-we shopped at our favorite boutique, stayed at our favorite hotel and went to an awesome show on Broadway ("Motown The Musical").

One week later mom traveled with me to Atlanta. During this trip we went to a recording of her favorite show, Family Feud. I will never forget the look of excitement on Mommy’s face as we laughed, clapped and embraced the the adventure. She was thrilled at the opportunity and we literally laughed together until it hurt. On commercial breaks, Steve Harvey told jokes and spoke about his testimony. Mom loved hearing how God moved in Steve’s life; she loved hearing how God delivered him from so many "valley" experiences. Mom talked about Steve for days after the recording. For our remaining time in Atlanta, we visited family, toured the city, and had lots of quality time at my apartment. In our quality time, she challenged me in areas of weakness and encouraged me to keep my faith despite adversity. By this time I knew something was up and  Mommy sensed every bit of my fear. “Kiya,” she said, “I am not worried about me. I am worried about you worrying about me.” We laughed... I cried...She ministered.
 
We returned to North Carolina from Atlanta just one day prior to a retirement celebration given to Mom by her Bennett College family (she retired on August 1, 2016 after 26 years of service).  I remember asking Mommy what she could see herself doing one year after retirement to which she responded, “I will be teaching and writing.” As I write this blog I can testify that mom is still teaching; that through this blog, Mom is still writing.
 
The retirement celebration was blissful, yet solemn. Mom's colleagues seemed taken aback by her fragile frame and concerned with her shortness of breath. "Allergies" she said, "My allergies are acting up and have led to a few respiratory issues, so forgive my shortness of breath." Everyone knew Mom was a very private person, thus interrogating the "allergies" explanation would have been out of order.  Mom's sickness was the "elephant in the room" that everyone tried to tip toe around with lighthearted stories and  tears of laughter,  “Oh, Dr. Ward, don’t you remember…” or “Dr. Ward, that time in…” and "Dr. Ward, thank you so much for..." Person after person poured around our table until there was literally a line  of people waiting to speak with Mommy. She smiled...she chuckled...she said "Oh, thank you."

Of the stories told that day, my favorite came from the lips of my Mommy. Mom was a passionate and dynamic orator; thus, she gave what would be her final public speech at this retirement celebration (see clip above). Met with a standing ovation (as most of her speeches were), Mom smiled humbly, tucked in her lips and took her seat.  As we exited the premises, for what would be Mom's final time, she smiled and said, “That went well.”

Mom’s retirement celebration was on a Thursday and she passed the following Wednesday. Looking back, I see that Mom had already found the inner peace spoken of in her speech. And it is that inner peace, that God- ordained peace, that is keeping me and leading me on  this journey.
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  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • The 21-Day Journey
  • Candid Conversations
  • Resources
    • The Grace to Grieve (Book)
    • For The First Time Mommas (Blog)
    • The First Year of Grief
    • Publisher's Roundtable
  • CONNECT
    • Contact Kiya
    • Brand Ambassador
    • Virtual Internship Program