Flashback

 
On the average day, I don’t think about the death of my parents. Instead, I think of them being alive and very much present in my day to day endeavors. I think of funny comments from Mom and hilarious facial expressions from Dad. I think of their advice and often consider what they would “say” when making decisions. I don’t think on my parents with sadness, but it is the flashbacks that pull so tightly at my heart.
 
Although 90% of the flashbacks I have of my parents are positive, there are 10% that are daunting. The flashback of mom’s final moments; the flashback of me running down the hall to get the doctor; the flashback of mom’s lifeless body under the sheet being pushed into the morgue; the flashback of me screaming on the phone with my uncle in distress; closing mom’s casket at her funeral; Dad’s sunken cheeks; Dad’s cries for “help”; both of their caskets being lowered into the ground. Those are the scenes etched in my mind that I will never be able to forget…and I am not sure I want to.
 
You see, it is the flashbacks that are daunting, but the flashbacks also remind me of what God has brought me through. I literally had a seat at death’s table and lived to tell about it. There are many who don’t get up from that seat; many who lose their minds at that seat. Yet, in those moments when I found myself emotionally lifeless, God kept me, covered me and breathed life into me.

There are many who have flashbacks to their past and are left in a state of distress, regret and pain. Yet, there is a power that arises when you can think on your toughest and most tragic moments without the moments themselves having power over you.