“The Lord Gives & The Lord Takes Way”

On June 1, 2014 at approximately 9:00pm I stood outside my family’s Chapel Hill home watching it burn to the ground in a fire. I remember feeling helpless; hopeless. Four days later I stood with Mom beside my beloved grandmother’s bed singing the old gospel hymn “When I Lay My Burdens Down” as she took her last breath at the age of 100. In four short days, my family experienced traumatic loss and I was left with an array of unanswered questions for God.

The morning after the fire, Mom wanted to go back to the place where our beautiful brick home once stood. As Dad scaled the premises, I began pouring my confusion out to Mom. “Mommy,” I began, “I can’t believe this happened. It just doesn’t seem fair. How could God allow this to happen?” With raised eyebrows and a soft smile, Mommy said, “Kiya, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. This fire may have taken our home, but it did not touch our souls.” It was that reminder that got us through the days and weeks that followed; the reminder that the God who’d provided the house 24 years earlier was the same God who would provide in the days, weeks, months and years to come; the reminder that we were no further from God simply because things didn’t seem fair or weren’t going our way. God was still very much with our family; God was still very much in control.

In the wake of my parents’ death, much of their rich wisdom resurfaced in my mind. Quotes, questions and challenges from my parents are among the headlines of my everyday thoughts. As I navigate my “new normal” and go deeper in my relationship with God, I am comforted by the truth that “The Lord Gives and the Lord Takes Away.”

In my mind, God’s love for me was [mostly] reflected in what He gave me- peace of mind, joy, a loving family, prosperous friendships, health, opportunities, spiritual gifts and talents. Yet, in the wake of losing my parents, I was faced with a very real question: How do experience love from God in the face of loss, agony, disappointment, abandonment and defeat? God answered this question by reminding me that I was making Him far too small if I only thought His love functioned in the realm of “giving.” God expanded this explanation by showing me a different kind of love…the kind of Godly love that didn’t just give, but that also took away. God showed me that His love was not predicated or gauged on my trial, for there was nothing I could do to make God love me anymore or any less than He already did. God was not punishing me by taking my parents; instead, God was taking me on a journey to discover true covenant relationship with Him.

Through this journey, I’ve met a God who’s never left me; a God who wipes my tears and holds me tight; a God who sustains and maintains me on every step of this journey; a God who raises up both the expected and unexpected to provide provision and comfort; a God who understands my language when my pain takes away my words; a God who provides wisdom and insight when I don't know which way to turn. This journey has taken me deeper in my faith as I've come to embrace the truth that “The Lord Gives & The Lord Takes Way.”