Sleep

It goes without saying that celebrations without my parents are "weird." Thus, graduation was no different. If anything, it was one of the harder milestones to celebrate. You see, unlike other celebrations I've experienced since their deaths', seminary was something that my parents started off with me. They were both so proud of me for attending Emory and pursuing full time ministry.

Hours after learning of Mom's fatal diagnosis, I decided to take a semester off. However, Mom wasn't having it. "Kiya, I won't be here." I thought she meant "here" as in the state of sickness; I thought she was professing her faith that she would be healed and would not need me to care for her. Hours later I learned that "here" was in reference to being physically present on earth.

Yet, in the weeks leading up to my graduation I found myself "here" and wanting nothing more than my parents to be "here" with me.  I didn't send out any invitations nor did I plan a huge celebration.  My amazing husband was so excited for me and my closest friends made their way to Atlanta without my nudging. It was like everyone just kind of fell into place without my orchestration. Even my graduation photos were taken very last minute, as we happened to have a photo shoot planned for something else and George brought my cap and gown.

After graduation, I literally went back to our Airbnb and slept. There was no festive dinner or Atlanta shopping. I was so grateful for the degree, but going through the motions of graduation exhausted all of my energy and took everything I had. I wasn't sad; I wasn't upset. I just wanted to sleep.