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For 17 months following the death of my parents, I blogged. This blog is threaded with vulnerability, faith, fear and peace. This blog isn't "pretty" or politically correct; It isn't exciting or amusing. It is raw. It is the journey of me, as a Christian, giving myself the grace to grieve; the grace to be human in the midst of the greatest trauma of my life. Though I wish this pain on no one, I hope that through my words you may find words of your own; that through my voice you may find a voice to your own hurt that leads you closer to Christ.

"Moving Forward"

3/25/2017

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​One of the re-occurring words of comfort offered to me during the death of my parents’ was “You will find your ‘new normal.’” I wasn’t quite sure what it meant and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I didn’t want a new normal, I wanted my old normal back. I wanted Mom to call me everyday and I wanted to call Dad fussing about him sneaking doughnuts into the house (he was diabetic); I wanted to look into Dad’s hazel eyes, feel mom’s warm smile and linger in their embrace. I wanted my old, but had no choice but to embrace something new.

Moving forward has its pros. I am no longer planning funerals or making burial arrangements; I am no longer driving between Atlanta and North Carolina every weekend; I am no longer spending the entirety of my days in estate meetings. Instead, I sleep with my phone on silent, I'm reading books I had put to the side, and I am progressing in ministry. Needless to say, I am moving forward and constantly learning about myself.

Moving forward is refreshing and liberating, but it is also scary. There is always a part of me that looks toward my parents for their input in everyday decisions. Mom and I used to sit and dream for hours, making a bucket list for some of our most exciting plans in life. Yet, as these plans come into fruition, I long to share them with her. When I met the man of my dreams, I wanted nothing more than to bring him home to meet my parents. I wanted Mom to comment on his looks and spirituality; I wanted Dad to show him his guns (so embarrassing lol). When I got called to a long-desired preaching engagement, I wanted to call Mom screaming with excitement; Whenever I travel, I still pick up my phone to call Mom to let her know I made it. I am moving forward in this “new normal” but it is still weird, awkward and uncomfortable.
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  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • The 21-Day Journey
  • Resources
    • The Grace to Grieve (Book)
    • The First Year of Grief
  • BOOK KIYA