Lost

I was one of those people who had a specific 10 year plan for my life- 3 degrees by 30, "MRS" by 31, kids by 36, 4 degrees by 40...you get the picture. The canvas of my life was complete and all I needed was a bit of patience and faith...or so I thought.

When my parents died, I immediately began questioning every plan and purpose in my life. Things I'd previously enjoyed, I enjoyed no longer; hobbies  became arduous to complete; and even taking time to focus my attention on something took more effort than I knew how to exert. Needless to say, in a world where I thought I'd found my purpose, I felt completely lost.

Unexpected trauma and disappointment has a way of making one question every bit of "normalcy" in life. Things that were once so "sure" quickly become areas of uncertainty, which cultivates a feeling of one being lost.

Feeling lost was terrifying for it was unlike anything I'd every felt. I wasn't used to walking so long in the dark. Yet, I've come to learn that in dark places, God's light still shines and shows me the way.  

You see, my pastor preached a sermon a few months ago in which he said "Your plan B was God's plan A the entire time." Wow! As those words pierced my heart I realized that I didn't have to have everything "figured out." Timelines are comforting, but God's timeline is perfect. Actually, I've found it better not to have life figured out as it requires me to submit my life daily to God; it requires me to allow God to reveal the canvas of my life in His own timing. Sure, I am eager to see what the future holds and I'd love to know its intricacies, but there is a peace in knowing who holds my future; there is a peace in knowing that I am no longer lost.