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For 17 months following the death of my parents, I blogged. This blog is threaded with vulnerability, faith, fear and peace. This blog isn't "pretty" or politically correct; It isn't exciting or amusing. It is raw. It is the journey of me, as a Christian, giving myself the grace to grieve; the grace to be human in the midst of the greatest trauma of my life. Though I wish this pain on no one, I hope that through my words you may find words of your own; that through my voice you may find a voice to your own hurt that leads you closer to Christ.

Lost

4/17/2017

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Picture
I was one of those people who had a specific 10 year plan for my life- 3 degrees by 30, "MRS" by 31, kids by 36, 4 degrees by 40...you get the picture. The canvas of my life was complete and all I needed was a bit of patience and faith...or so I thought.

When my parents died, I immediately began questioning every plan and purpose in my life. Things I'd previously enjoyed, I enjoyed no longer; hobbies  became arduous to complete; and even taking time to focus my attention on something took more effort than I knew how to exert. Needless to say, in a world where I thought I'd found my purpose, I felt completely lost.

Unexpected trauma and disappointment has a way of making one question every bit of "normalcy" in life. Things that were once so "sure" quickly become areas of uncertainty, which cultivates a feeling of one being lost.

Feeling lost was terrifying for it was unlike anything I'd every felt. I wasn't used to walking so long in the dark. Yet, I've come to learn that in dark places, God's light still shines and shows me the way.  


You see, my pastor preached a sermon a few months ago in which he said "Your plan B was God's plan A the entire time." Wow! As those words pierced my heart I realized that I didn't have to have everything "figured out." Timelines are comforting, but God's timeline is perfect. Actually, I've found it better not to have life figured out as it requires me to submit my life daily to God; it requires me to allow God to reveal the canvas of my life in His own timing. Sure, I am eager to see what the future holds and I'd love to know its intricacies, but there is a peace in knowing who holds my future; there is a peace in knowing that I am no longer lost.
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Somebody Prayed for Me

4/10/2017

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“Somebody prayed for me, had me on their mind, they took the time and prayed for me. I'm so glad they prayed, so glad they prayed. I'm so glad they prayed for me.” – Dorothy Norwood
 
I was sitting on the front row of my Systematic Theology class when I got the call that Dad had taken ill. Perhaps it was the tears that glossed over my eyes; maybe it was the slight tremor in my hands as I gathered my belongings or even the look of defeat on my face, but somehow somebody knew I needed prayer.
 
On my way from campus to the airport, a classmate texted me a video (see above) that left me speechless. Hand in hand (in the middle of class) my classmates stood praying and interceding on behalf of my family. I’d love to say this would have happened at any seminary or around any group of people, but I know that’s not the case. My location at the time of the call was completely ordained by God. You see, I could have been anywhere, in any class and around any group of people. Yet, God placed me in a room of intercessors who knew how to call on the name "Jesus."
 
I still receive calls, text messages, emails and cards from people expressing their prayers of hope and comfort. While I will never be able to fully articulate the depth of my gratitude, know that your prayers have contributed greatly to my livelihood and healing; know that your prayers have always and will always make a difference;  know that I do not take it for granted that you’ve taken the time to pray for my family and me. Thank you.
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Courage

4/5/2017

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I recently learned of a colleague in ministry who unexpectedly lost a member of their immediate family. When I heard the news my eyes locked with my iPhone, my heart sunk and I was at a loss for words. I didn't know their deceased spouse, but I knew that immediate feeling of shock. Every time I hear of someone dying, I am reminded of the initial shock and disbelief. I am also reminded that everyone is going through "something."

I understand that losing both parents is tragic, but along this journey I've gained so much strength from people going through things I could not imagine- The teen who is facing HIV, the woman in the beauty shop who lost her father and husband within two months, the newlyweds who miscarried heir first born and the person newly diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. People are going through STUFF and making it every step of the way. 
​
I find strength in the courageous men and women I encounter on a daily basis who are pushing through life's trials and tribulations. No two seasons of life are comparable, so I dare not suggest one season to be better or worse than another. However, I can say that there is so much to learn from others who are going through their own seasons of life with grace, endurance and love. Never forget that the way you go through your season can be the very thing that gives strength and courage to someone pressing their way through their life.
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  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • The 21-Day Journey
  • Candid Conversations
  • Resources
    • The Grace to Grieve (Book)
    • For The First Time Mommas (Blog)
    • The First Year of Grief
    • Publisher's Roundtable
  • CONNECT
    • Contact Kiya
    • Brand Ambassador
    • Virtual Internship Program